He came back.

He came back.  The dirty bastard came back.

I was on desk maybe half an hour when last Monday's attacker came slouching in, wanting to renew his books.  I stared at him, sure it was him, not sure what I should do about it.  I renewed the books because I had no choice and in the time it took me to do so, he stared down the length of library, licking his lips, looking at his second victim who had also come back to the library for the first time since the incident.  I cleared my throat and told him he had a fine.  Startled, he noticed me noticing him staring at A.  He tossed two dollars at me and hurried out. 

I pulled my coworker aside and explained what had just happened.  We called the police and noticed that he was still hanging around the front entrance to the building, occasionally bouncing to the back if he thought we might be coming out to look for him again.

He was still there when A. started to leave.  We asked her if she had to go home right then, asked her if she maybe could stay just a little longer as a favor to us.  Rightly freaked out, she wanted to know what was going on.  I had Kim take her back to Staff and explain.  We called her mother and it turns out she lives within sight of the library so Kim walked her halfway and her mother met her so there was someone with her at all times.

The police came and took my statement.  The attacker was long gone at that point.  He's officially banned from the library but we have no way to back that up.  This kid easily outwieghs me by 20 pounds, if not more.  I can refuse to serve him but I can't make him leave.  He's already been violent once.  What might he do next?

And what about A.?  He obviously knew where she'd be and when she'd leave.  He showed up fifteen minutes before she tried to walk out the door.  He was obviously itching for some sort of confrontation, if he wasn't outright stalking her. 

The whole thing rattled my cage.  I don't think this kid would ever go after me.  I don't think I've got anything to fear.  But the psychology of it, of him showing up again, a mere week after the first attack, the way he licked his lips as he looked at A., as though she were dinner and he couldn't wait to sink his demented teeth into her...it made me shudder.  It frightens me.  It's the underlying attitude more than anything else that makes me so scared.  The idea that women are prey, or toys to be used in subtle games.  The manipulation that comes through fear brings me further back than I want to go.

I'm telling myself that this is silly; none of this is even about me.  I'm associating my past with a current event that is not in any way related.  But I see A. and I think too close.  I know these patterns.  I want to protect her and I know that I can't and it's not my job.  She has parents and the police for that.  But she's vulnerable and I'm helpless and I don't know what else to do. 

Comments

[Heather]

I think you are doing everything you can do.

He may have twenty pounds on you, but you have the strength. I think he would back down quickly to a strong woman protecting a girl from going through something she went through as a girl.

[jesspond]

ugh what a bastard!!

[daysgoby]

Oh sweetheart. Take care.

I think Heather has a point, though. What can you do (that you haven't thought of before?)

Check all the lightbulbs around the exits - perhaps install brighter ones?

Ask the police if they'd mind doing a stroll-through once a night for the next month?

Carry a cell-phone.

BE CAREFUL. And yes, I know you said you weren't afraid for you. But sometimes when your heart is hurting and you can't help the person who need helping, keeping busy is better than doing nothing.
xox Jess

[Beth]

Sometimes the only thing we can do is the best thing we can do and that's pray. (I have no idea how to properly punctuate that sentence, so there it is.) Just pray Flicka. And know that I'm praying for you and for A.

[andrea_jennine]

Oh no. I was going to say the same thing as Beth; what else can we do but pray, really? I'm praying right now for you, for A, for the creep, and for anyone else involved.

[electriclady]

Ugh, I can't believe someone like that is just allowed to walk around. Can you have a signal with your coworkers so that the instant he walks into the library, someone calls the police? and that way maybe they can get there while he's still there, and put a little fear into him themselves? and I second daysgoby, maybe ask the police to do random walkthroughs (so he doesn't know exactly when they'll be there and just come another time)?

[Lassie]

He sounds like a predator. Gross. Scary. I think its about power with people like him. He preys on fear.

I'm glad you have Sarge. He seems like someone who will keep you safe and support you when you are feeling vulnerable.

[OvaGirl]

Flicka i am so so sorry, this is awful. Have caught up with your previous posts and I am in awe of your strength and courage. i presume that the police know exactly who this guy is, where he lives etc. You don't need me to say this but again, please be careful. Do you need to put notices up in the women's bathroom asking women to be careful or is this scaremongering? I don't know. i'd probably rather be on the safe side.

[starfish]

All I keep thinking is thank God you are there and you give a shit.

[MsPrufrock]

I hate, hate, hate the fact that there are men out there that prey on women. That they obviously think they have the right to intimidate. Drives me absolutely effing insane.